So first off.. sorry about the title, it's lyrics from the Vonda Shepard song Maryland. I was listening to it on the car on my way back from holiday and it just helped me get out of all the thoughts and it just kinda describes this blog entry. And also sorry for this blog entry.. it's going to be more of a question than an answer, more of an idea than a solution. So yeah.. hope that's okay with you guys :).
So basically when I'm in a really manic mood (I usually like to call it a hyper mood because.. well I don't know really, it just makes me feel more normal, because everyone gets a bit hyper. But for the sake of this blog so everyone knows what I'm talking about, I'll call it a manic mood.) So yeah, anyway.. when I'm in a really manic or depressed mood.. everyone can tell. They might not know why or what's causing it but they can tell that I'm really not happy and there's something seriously wrong (at least when I'm depressed they know somethings wrong, when I'm hyper, they just think I'm really hyper or high or something). But then there's certain people that I just really don't want to realize there's something up. People that I really care about and know would worry so much if they knew, or even thought that something was up. And people that I know would act completely weird if they found out I was bipolar. And somehow just by acting happy and putting on a fake smile or whatever or toning down the hyperness they don't seem to think anything's wrong. I mean it doesn't always work and I have to come out with excuses and when it does work it's only because I've tried so hard.
So I don't know.. it's not exactly a cure for bipolar or anything.. it's just a thought. Because like I've said in my blogs before I'm apposed to most medicines.. especially the ones that change the way your brain works. I feel the brain, like the heart, is not something science should try to'fix'. It will work, maybe not like someone else's, but that doesn't mean it's working wrongly. So... I guess I just wanted to ask you guys (I know there's not many of you at the moment) what you though? Willpower over drugs? Drugs over Willpower? I guess i just wanted to say again that you can muddle through without drugs... I'm not saying it's easy, I'm saying it's possible. Thanks for reading :) xx
So basically when I'm in a really manic mood (I usually like to call it a hyper mood because.. well I don't know really, it just makes me feel more normal, because everyone gets a bit hyper. But for the sake of this blog so everyone knows what I'm talking about, I'll call it a manic mood.) So yeah, anyway.. when I'm in a really manic or depressed mood.. everyone can tell. They might not know why or what's causing it but they can tell that I'm really not happy and there's something seriously wrong (at least when I'm depressed they know somethings wrong, when I'm hyper, they just think I'm really hyper or high or something). But then there's certain people that I just really don't want to realize there's something up. People that I really care about and know would worry so much if they knew, or even thought that something was up. And people that I know would act completely weird if they found out I was bipolar. And somehow just by acting happy and putting on a fake smile or whatever or toning down the hyperness they don't seem to think anything's wrong. I mean it doesn't always work and I have to come out with excuses and when it does work it's only because I've tried so hard.
So I don't know.. it's not exactly a cure for bipolar or anything.. it's just a thought. Because like I've said in my blogs before I'm apposed to most medicines.. especially the ones that change the way your brain works. I feel the brain, like the heart, is not something science should try to'fix'. It will work, maybe not like someone else's, but that doesn't mean it's working wrongly. So... I guess I just wanted to ask you guys (I know there's not many of you at the moment) what you though? Willpower over drugs? Drugs over Willpower? I guess i just wanted to say again that you can muddle through without drugs... I'm not saying it's easy, I'm saying it's possible. Thanks for reading :) xx
for me I lived for 45 years without drugs, then things got bad, really bad and I've been on meds since then. Finally about 6 months ago we hit on a combination that makes me feel normal, good without the wild manic stuff, the depression seems to be gone too. For me that's the answer especially since I have kids that need to see their mom acting in a more normal way. No cutting, no freaking out, no drinking. Just a normal, or what appears to me to be normal, mom.
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