Told you I'd blog soon! You didn't believe me did you? Don't blame you to be honest.. But here I am! Blogging! (Whoop!!)
Anyway.. I'm talking about opening up about Bipolar, or any mental health disorder, or even any disorder. As you may (or may not) know I follow the "Time to change" campaign. I've mentioned it before and the link for their website is in some of my blog entries and on my page (I think!). It's a campaign that encourages people to fight the taboo that surrounds mental health and talk about there experiences. But, as I'm sure you know, talking can be hard. Really hard.
Maybe talking comes easy for you? But for me anyway it's not. I'm not much of a talker about personal things - people I care about, my family, my past, etc. And being bipolar fits perfectly into my category of things not to talk about.
So at first I decided to tell no one, absolutely no one. But I'm also a terrible liar.. So unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view) my best friend could tell there was something wrong and I couldn't lie to him. It took a long time, and a lot of patient prying and encouragement from him to finally find the words to tell him. But I did, despite being truly terrified of how he would react. (I'd like to say at this point that he is an amazing person and I knew I needn't have worried but I am a little paranoid and don't trust easily, which is the only reason I worried. Completey due to my own flaws and not, in any way, his fault.) Anyway, his reaction was far better than I ever could have imagined. He didn't really know that much about it but he was so, unbelievably willing to find out all about it and be there to support me through it all. He offered to come to doctors appointments with me and anything else I needed, he was a true friend, and still is. I'm not going to lie and say he's not left my side since, he has. He's let me down, and I've let him down. But we're human, and we're there for each other.
On the other end of the good/bad reaction scale you have a friend that I recently told of my disorder. We were on a school trip to Spain and the drama I'd hoped to leave behind in England had definitely not been left behind. Things took place on the first night that I need no go into. The second night the rooms got mixed up a bit as we changed hotels. So there was just 3 of us in the room rather that the 6 there had been in the room on the first night. I was having a hard time and was really tired from lack of sleep on the first night. It was already like 11pm and I was trying to get some sleep when this girl (my friend?) started talking to me, and not in a very nice tone. What she said was very long winded, very repetitive, rather harsh an rather rude, so I'll not repeat it. But the jist of what she said was that she had come to Spain to get away from all the shit and that it was unfair of me to be upset because I was making everyone else miserable and I was on holiday so I should enjoy myself. I'll admit that my first thought was to tell her to go away (not in those words!). But I decided getting annoyed wasn't worth it so I kept calm and tried to explain to her that I didn't want to be unhappy and I'd tried to be by myself a lot that day because I didn't want to make anyone else unhappy (in my head having a negative effect on other people is by far the worst part of being bipolar). But for some reason my carefully worded and calm explanation just seemed to annoy her more. Her next words, again, I will not repeat an nor will I tell you what she said to me. I will tell you though that I don't think I've ever been so angry, I honestly don't know how I stopped myself from getting up and hitting her. But I did, and instead I told her that she didn't understand. She told me she did understand. Her mum suffers from depression and it's sickening to watch attention seekers like me pretend like they do. I'd had enough by then, attention seeking is the last thing that I am. And fear that people would think that if I opened up about being bipolar is one of the main things that has stopped me from talking about it. So I told her about it, and regretted it straight away. She told me I was pathetic and left. She only slept in our room one night the whole holiday and that was only because she was forced to and she never said a word.
On a brighter note the other girl in the room, a girl in the year below who I'd seen around but never spoken to until the trip was unbelievably nice and supportive about the whole thing. She gave me a little time by myself then came out to talk to me. She knew exactly what to say and exactly when to keep quiet or point out the gnome on the mini golf course that we had to go and say hello to before breakfast the next morning.
So they were the worst and best reactions I've had. There's been some inbetween reactions too, and they're weird really. Not knowing whether people care or have forgotten or what. It's not hard, just weird not knowing if you can talk to them about it or whether they think you're crazy or what. I'd rather someone tell me they think I'm crazy rather than just trying to avoid me or something.
That's all I've got to say really.. I'd like to heare your experiences though! How have your friends or family reacted? Or have you.no told them? Please share! Or tell me what you think or ask questions or anything!
Peace. :):
